


What Happens When We Remember

by ineverproofread



Series: One Shots [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Episode: s03e15 Coda, Episode: s07e16-17 Workforce, F/M, Inner Dialogue, Kathryn is in denail, Memory Loss, Pining, Self-Denial, Unresolved Romantic Tension, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27716198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineverproofread/pseuds/ineverproofread
Summary: Memories lost can lead to feelings regained.  How do you deal with your emotions when all of your principles tell you to ignore it?This can be read as an add-on/prequel to my current story "Resolved" but you don't need to have read it prior to reading this.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: One Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027221
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	What Happens When We Remember

**Author's Note:**

> I make no claim on these characters or this show. I just have fun(?) writing about them.

Kathryn stared aimlessly out the windows of her Ready Room. Normalcy had continued to escape her ever since their rescue from Quarra and she didn’t want to consider the reasons why. She needed to shake herself out of it, Chakotay worried glances were beginning to be more than she could bear.

Chakotay. A topic she had been carefully avoiding thinking about since getting back. Funny thing about having your memory wiped by an alien species, everything comes back suddenly. Her memories had hit her at warp and she was struggling to control the emotions they invoked.

Lake George had been an especially difficult memory to suppress. She craved the feeling of her hand in his, her head on his shoulder as they sat staring at the night sky. She remembered how close she had come, how close they had both come, to crossing the line. And now, now every remembrance of that moment made her feel as though her heart would fly out her chest to be with him. She would tear through the fabric of space and time to be with him if only for a moment.

Reading some of her old logs had helped with the residual fuzziness from the corrections. As she scrolled through her list of personal logs over the past 6 years, she knew she shouldn’t select it. If a night on the holodeck was this painful, reliving almost 3 months would be even worse. But she did it. That night, she cried for the first time in months, maybe even years. 

Kathryn had made the decision that night to try and regain control. The dangerous dance they led, always toeing the line between friends and lovers, had to stop. If she continued, she wouldn’t be able to let go. This ship, this crew had to come first and if she let herself feel she feared she would lose sight of that. So she started dodging dinner plans. Making excuses or scheduling meetings at times she knew he would be free. She had to break herself from him, force herself to let go.

Months passed. Normalcy returned. Kathryn found she had learned how to breathe when she was around him. Her world didn’t spin at the mere sound of his voice. She started to trust herself again, to hope that they might be able to return to what they once had. 

“Dinner tonight, Commander?” she asked as he turned to leave her Ready Room.

He looked surprised, “Raincheck? I have plans for tonight.”

Her heart sank. “Of course. Have a good night Chakotay.” Kathryn said with a smile. She had to be happy for him. She didn’t need to be the center of his universe, even if he was the center of hers.


End file.
